Thursday 12 March 2015

Freedom you gotta give what you take!

(This article was written on Independence Day 2014. But, as the International Women's Day 2015 passed by, I thought of reposting it here.)

On this occasion of independence day, I ask myself " What does freedom mean to me?" Does it mean doing, talking anything that I like? No, it doesn't. It means doing something within my own boundaries. And, everyone has their own.

For long, women in our country have been deprived of many things, be it the right to take birth, to get educated, to choose a partner of their choice, to give birth to a baby girl and many rights are denied on a day to day basis. Today, our PM Modi has rightly said that when a women goes out of house, she is asked a thousand of questions vis-a-vis a man. What has happened to the society that being a women, we have unnecessary limits set on us? The everyday crimes against women leaves us appalled. I have heard many of my friends say why was I born a women and why doesn't it happen to men right from from their puberty days to their days as a grown up when they witness,hear, feel once or more the eve teasing, the rapes and what not!

While God can't be cursed for making us a women (it is a blessing in fact), men and even women in our world , definitely should be blamed for creating such havocs in our minds. On one hand, on ashtmi or navmi of the Navratri, the little girls are being symbolised as Devis and on the other hand, day after day, we hear of the heinous crimes committed against us. On a personal front also, women do witness one or other men playing Mr. Dominant role in their lives and most of the times, they are their own family members. Now, when they only do not give a chance to lead at least their own lives, how will women come out of their small chambers to speak of any wrong that has happened to them. Be it men or women, the stigma attached to even a small sexual assault is much.

Ours is a regressive society where discrimination has just become a culture, in fact, a habit. This has even led to a war of women against women.Once, while travelling in a train, a women told my friend (a girl) that girls shouldn't laugh that loud. She said nothing to boys. Ours is a collective society and mind you, suggestions come here for free whether you ask them or not. So, once, I was told to tie my hair by a lady to the the surprise of many young girls standing with me in the ladies coach of Delhi Metro. Now, when this is a scene in a cosmopolitan city, I wonder about the dismal stature of our rural and semi-urban areas.

While we call for feminism in our society, this emancipation of women has to be carefully cherished. Being equal, doesn't mean we too become dominant. In the name of equal rights, we should not compete in useless arguments to let men know that we are better. If we are being asked questions about our where abouts and told to be careful and to follow some kind of code of conduct, it is because we are being cared for. It shouldn't be taken as a restriction. Thus, freedom with boundaries should be okay for us.

In our society, men/ women right from their childhood should know about the other gender well. The communication between men and women should be much so as to in built the respect for the other sex. And, for all women, in the end, I would say, never indulge in useless thoughts of "Why me?" Enjoy your womanhood. God has blessed you with a warm and caring nature. So, love it! "Happy Independence Day."

PS: The author on this day of re-publishing this article has moved on from feminism. This is because she feels what we need at present is a level of righteousness as most women in the world are being denied even the basic rights. So, what do you think about it? Please post your comments.

Friday 6 March 2015

That thing called love.

It all started when two love birds were always together. They enjoyed the same things. They studied the same things. They decided to be at the same places. They acted like they were only one. None would ever be seen deviating from what the other person opines even when the opinion is much against the opinions of the majority of the crowd. To the crowd, it appeared that they were selfish. But, I realised that they were just 'in love'. And, I had begun to process my thoughts on that thing called love.

Love starts with attraction and infatuation in most people. Love starts with getting to know your partner and how well you can relate to him/her. Basically, what all people look for is like-mindedness.

However, in this journey to be with those who are similar to you, with same tastes and habits, one forgets that what is needed the most is one's individuality. If being a mother, you can criticise your child that this is wrong and this is right, the same kind of liberty to speak your mind should exist in a relationship with your partner. It should never be what (s)he likes, I should like it. and what I do, (s)he should do it. By this, I do not mean to preach that opposites attract. What I mean is having a stance of your own even when being in love.

Compromise is tolerable only in actions not in the genuine opinion of somebody. Most people will compromise so as to avoid a fight. If words hurt, then silence hurts as well. Communication is very necessary to build up a good relationship.

The individuality and communication part might not happen at all because as they say love is blind. Let love be blind. But, not as much, that his opinion becomes yours and your opinions become his. If there is a clear conversation of your views, its better to get into a mutual consensus of your opinions rather having piled up emotions where you have to hide your views. For, how long can you fake that smile for the sake of your love?

The like-minded is so much immersed in our society that most of the times, a doctor marries a doctor, a civil servant marries another civil servant to mention a few. This is based on the belief that they can understand the demands of their profession better. But till when can you hide the differences that exists in you as a person. Even, your profession cannot help to mask you beyond a limit.

I'm yet to find that special one in my life. And, I don't know till what extend my love may grow up to become blind. However, here, the only point of this article is forget the differences and appreciate the individuality. Differences to an extent can be sorted. Individuality can be accepted. That's how, most relationships last, be it with a partner, friend or a family member. Still, it all starts with like mindedness for most people. Sad!