edited by Srilekha Kannepalli
The young lady was taking the elevator. She was 27 years old, dressed in corporate attire. She glanced at her watch and noted, 'Not a bad day. It's 8:00 p.m. here in NYC. I will go up to my apartment and call up my mother and chit chat on the happenings of the day. Mom must be awake by now in Delhi.' She has had a busy life. There were hardly any friends with whom she socialised. Everyone has been so busy, some married and some caught up in their careers. It is said that 'life comes a full circle.' But what is never told is how it is such a vicious cycle. It makes one realise that we need to prioritise and just spend time on those things and with those people who matter the most.
The door of the elevator opens on the first floor. She happens to see a familiar face enter the elevator and quickly gazes down, not too sure if it is him. She looks up again only to get a smile from the stranger and to her dismay, it is him indeed. She puts on a tough smile, the one you give to your colleagues, the way you say, 'I'm doing fine' to every 'How are you?' question put to you. The guy was tall and a little darker than her fair brown complexion. He was wearing jeans and a white t-shirt. His face did not have the same glow that it had in his younger days. But when he looked at her, her heart beat was as fast as it had been in her teenage years whenever she happened to see him. She did not expect him to remember her and was startled when he started speaking to her.
“Hi! How've you been?” he asked.
“I'm fine. How are you?”
“I'm good. It's good to see you. It's been a long time.”
“Indeed. It's been thirteen years.”
“Oh! I thought it was more.”
She smiled again. In her mind, her reply was, 'Only if you cared to realise that I was away from you, would you know how many years, how many months, how many days, how many hours, how many minutes, how many seconds it has been.' She wanted to cry but couldn't. She wanted to hug like how old friends do. But, it was difficult to think of him as a friend.
They met every day in school. They had played together in childhood. It started with being acquaintances. It was hard to remember when she started liking him. May be the growing up years or may be when she saw many of her girlfriends getting into relationships. There wasn't exactly a name that one could give to their relationship. They never gave each other gifts. They never wished each other on birthdays; rather they were competitive in nature. They loved to outperform each other only for the sheer joy it gave them. She enjoyed those petty fights with him to prove to him that she is better than him. He too used to do the same. She had started realising how special he was to her more than a friend. She started noticing him as a boy, a boy she would love to spend the rest of her life with. Puberty hit her hard, her behavior changed and it made her irritable. She wasn't able to focus. She did not understand that how one boy could occupy her mind. She grew confused with her feelings towards him. She wanted to get away from them. So she started to ignore him for most part of grade 9.
As a kid, she never knew that nothing lasts forever. Her father got transferred to Mussoorie from Delhi when she completed her 9th grade. She left without a word. Life got busier than ever with the boards ahead and a career to ponder upon. Her mother had always advised her: “After you open up to the world, there is no turning back.” It was the reason she did not open a Facebook account. She knew that if she would, she would see old pieces of her life that are no longer a part of her. It would only lead to complications. It would only make her feel that how things have changed and how people have changed.
She came back to Delhi for college. Soon after she graduated from college, she had opened a Facebook account and contacted some of her old batchmates; but she never had the courage to contact any of those with whom she had shared a good relation. None of them had contacted her after she had left, even though they had her phone number. It pained her to see them online but not to be able to speak to them. However, wherever she lived and whatever she did, she had that guilt for not behaving her normal self with him in the days before her departure. The regret got even more for not being able to say goodbye. She always thought that maybe there would be another chance to meet him. Maybe this hadn't been their final goodbye.
She was so caught up in her thoughts that she did not notice the elevator stop. They both got off the elevator on the 10th floor. She had a lot of questions to ask him like 'Why he didn't contact her? or What was he up to in his life?' But then, all that seemed meaningless. She was quite unsure of her feelings. 'Was it painful to see him or was she happy that finally she met him?' Right now she had to get hold of her thoughts.
After a long pause, he asked her, “What's up? What's going on in life?”
She replied stiffly, “I'm here on business.”
“Cool!”
“What are you up to?”
“Oh! Me? I work for a PR agency here. Well, that‟s my bread and butter and may be more. It‟s such a surprise to see you here.”
He seemed very puzzling to her.
“It‟s a surprise for me too.” 'Was it mere coincidence or fate that they met here?'
“You've turned into a beautiful woman and I‟m not saying just because it is you.” He said grinning at her.
“Thanks.” She couldn't help but blush at the compliment. She thought of being calmer in front of him, lest she would look like a complete idiot swooning over his lovely smile.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. She wanted to know if he was living in the same building.
“I'm here to meet a friend.”
She had a sense of relief that he did not live here, relieved that there would be no daily tension and the constant butterflies upon seeing him time and again. Then she heard someone was calling him. She saw a young woman in her early twenties coming towards them and saying, “Hey, where were you darling? Why didn't you pick up my call, baby?” Suddenly she felt jealous of the woman and hatred welled up in her. Bitter though she had been in the recent years of her life, she cordially said to him, “I guess you've an important engagement. I got to go. It was nice meeting you.” A man of few words, as he always had been, he gave her a breathtaking smile. She too smiled.
She turned and went towards her apartment. As she turned away, there was a drop of tear and a heart mixed with sadness, relief and gratitude. There were so many things running in her mind at the same time. Seeing him again brought up old feelings and just for a sliver of a second she wanted to be with him. She wanted to speak to him and tell him what all had happened to her after she last saw him. She wanted to share her happiness, her turmoil, her insecurities, her fears and her love. Yet what she could see today was how things have moved on.
Time is not stagnant for anyone. But how has she held on to her memories. If fate had been with her today, the chance meeting could have blossomed into the love that she dreamed about in school. The thought that she has lost him again, made her feel sad and weak. He had never kept in touch with her though they had a wonderful past together. Expectations have always hurt her more. She realised that she had built expectations from a man who doesn't even know her reality of today.
It was her nature too that she did not convey her feelings to people. She believed people are best to be kept as memories. In this curious world, he too had not become a caring friend to her. Cautious of her actions as she always had been, she returned to reality from the world she was fantasising. While closing the door to her apartment, she told God in her thoughts, 'All of us live with our past. All of us allow it to shape our future. But some of us know how to shrug the past. I think that is who I am.'
PS: At times, one strikes a chord with the words of others. The story was originally written a month before the time when the author read a prompt in the Write India campaign by Times of India. She felt that the prompt indeed matches with the story and even the title. So, this story has been republished on 26 July '2016 here after much editions with the help of my dear writer friend Srilekha who I adorably call as Sri. No no, we didn't get a chance to win and publish it into a book. But then, the online reach in this virtual world have certainly kept our hopes high. Signing off as I can go on writing..
